Why Life Gets Harder When You’re Trying to Be Good (And Why It’s Not a Punishment)

Let’s just sit down for a moment. You’re asking the question that holds the most common pain: “I’m trying so hard to be kind, to grow, to choose love, and why is that exactly when the difficult situations show up?” It feels deeply personal, like life is nudging you, saying, "Let’s see how aligned you really are."

The exhaustion you feel isn't from loving too much; it’s from carrying a scorecard. The strain begins inside the expectation: If I’m good, shouldn’t everyone else be good back? Most of us were taught, very subtly, to put up the guard: "I’ll see how you treat me, and then I’ll decide how I treat you." We call this wisdom, but honestly, it’s fear wearing polite, protective clothing.

We interact with preconceived notions, waiting, watching, and protecting ourselves from being the fool. But here is the quiet truth: the shield you use to protect yourself is heavy. This armor confirms your deepest fear, the belief that you can be hurt. And because the Universe knows your inner mind better than you do, carrying that fear often generates the exact behaviour you dread.

The solution is not more defence; it is pure release. When you give, truly give, you’re not losing anything. You are actually shedding the heaviest burden on your soul: the expectation of repayment. You are intentionally letting go of that transactional mindset.

The Universe responds to the quality of your heart, not the behavior of others. If you give with expectation, the Universe gives you more expectation. If you give with freedom, the Universe gives you more freedom. That is the joke. The heart becomes invincible the moment you stop using it as a bargaining chip.

Now, about your spiritual practice. We often think we’re doing sadhana to be better tomorrow. But healing doesn’t happen in the future; it happens in the moment you stop fighting who you are right now. If your practice feels forced, the kindest thing you can do is soften. It’s okay to pause the rigid technique. Sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is sit with your own inner weather without trying to change it.

Let your tenderness breathe. Start acknowledging your fears, embracing them, and slowly releasing them, the process must be gradual, not sudden. You will notice something subtle: the more real you are with yourself, the more real your compassion becomes toward others.

When someone behaves poorly, you can choose to simply shrug it off. You begin to see their struggle, not your failure. You are always protected. Always. No one can hurt you if you don't let them. You don't have to fix them, but you don't have to carry their behavior inside you, either. Create a healthy distance if necessary, knowing that their poor behavior is simply their journey, their time.

This is where real self-love begins: Trust that your goodness is not naive. Trust that your heart is not weak. Trust that you are guided, protected, and supported in ways you cannot always see. This trust activates the profound faith that everyone around you is inherently good and struggling toward the same light. That radical acceptance is the most amazing thing life offers.

You already have the blessing of action, you just need to trust the blessing of direction that your gut feeling provides. When you trust yourself, your energy settles. And when your energy settles, your life stops feeling like a battle.

So, stop measuring, start trusting, and let your powerful, aligned heart lead the way, to attract exactly what you need, effortlessly.