Stop Being the One Who Brings the Change (Seriously, Stop)

Let's be honest. We all secretly want to be the Gandalf in someone else’s life story.

We want to swoop in, drop a pearl of hard-earned wisdom, and watch as their life dramatically rights itself, all thanks to our brilliant piece of unsolicited advice. We crave that "Aha! You changed my life!" moment. We want to be the wise, appreciated sage.

But today, I’m going to tell you a little secret: guiding someone who hasn't asked you for directions is the absolute worst form of love.

It’s a toxic little cocktail, and here’s why.

The Ego Trap

For one, it’s entirely driven by ego. We feel a little bit superior, don't we? We think, “Oh, if only they did what I did, they wouldn’t be making that mistake.” That feeling of being "ahead" is a massive ego boost. We're telling them what to do because we genuinely believe we know better, even when they’re perfectly fine finding their own way.

And two, when they inevitably don’t listen to your sage advice (because it’s their life, not yours!), you get upset. You feel unappreciated, ignored, and maybe a little betrayed. Who is the one suffering now? You are. You’ve successfully handed over your peace of mind to someone else’s decision-making process. Great job!

The Radical Shift: Focus on You

The best, most radical form of self-love is to stop being the outside editor and take all that powerful focus, all that wisdom-bomb energy, and point it directly back at yourself. And I mean only on yourself.

Ask yourself the hard questions: Am I becoming a better human being? Am I more accepting? Less judgmental? Or am I just a human information-collector, constantly scanning the environment just to find a suitable target to bombard with my amazing life fixes?

The moment you shift your focus from everyone else's flaws and paths to your own inner landscape, that's when the real growth begins.

Creating the Environment of Faith

Here’s the spiritual truth that will set you free: Everyone is doing their absolute best.

They are operating with their own level of understanding, on their own path, and within their own context. The greatest gift you can give them isn't advice; it's the environment to grow.

Think about kids and parents. Children eventually get so tired of the constant advisory committee, they rebel just for the sake of breathing room. The same dynamic infects partnerships. We see the mistake, we want our partner to "do better," but we forget that sometimes they simply have a different way of showing up, a different way of showing love.

In relationships, we often get caught up in mapping actions to some societal checklist: Did they say the right thing? Did they do the right thing? Drop the checklist. Put the rosy glasses back on, the ones built on utmost love and faith. That’s what brings success.

Success in a relationship isn’t about two people agreeing; it's about two people creating a safe space of trust. It cannot happen in a restrictive environment where one person is constantly correcting the other.

The Yogi’s Way

So, here’s your spiritual assignment: Drop the advice. Drop the correcting. Drop the desperate need to change others.

If you can master this one single act—taking your focus off others and placing it squarely on your own acceptance and non-judgment—you are already a yogi, my friend.

When the person in front of you says something you disagree with, try this silent mantra: “Okay, you feel this way. I’m sure you don’t intentionally want to hurt me. You come from your soul’s understanding, and you are right in your place. We don’t have to argue or convince each other to agree right now.”

Sometimes, the biggest change you can bring into the world is by not bringing any change at all, but by simply holding space, accepting what is, and shining your light inward. That’s the path to a truly fulfilling life.